Please Pick Up Your Perscription
by Sabaku No Natsuo
Summary: A series of oneshots for animes ranging from DeathNote to Naruto with the theme of medication. Co-authored by Rin and Natsuo. Up First is an old fav. Valium Queen
1. Valium Queen

**Series Used: **Naruto

**Pairing: **SasukexNaruto

**Writer:** RIn

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Valium Queen 

It was only after sinful amounts of valiume, medical chakra and being stuck in a stuffy hospital room that a one Uchiha Sasuke, got a little loopy. Even after nearly a decade of friendship and the last 4 or so years of that decade spent courting one another, Naruto had never known that the Uchiha was capable of girly fits of laughter after telling a joke (that made absolutely no sense at all). The blond put his head in his hand as Sasuke began to babble about how much Naruto's eyes looked like "those tablets you put in the toilet to clean them…the _really _blue ones." Somehow Naruto felt that Sasuke was trying to flatter him, but he couldn't be sure right now.

"Just go to sleep Sasuke," he groaned when Sasuke was done telling him how to clean a toilet with a t-shirt.

Those dark eyes, that would normally burn a hole straight through your head, were trying to glare at Naruto. The key word is trying. It looked more like Sasuke was trying to keep from laughing as he seduced the boy on the hospital chair.

"But I'm not sleepy, Naru-chan!" he exclaimed his face turning into a picture of childhood innocence.

Naruto rubbed his eyes, "Yes you are, otherwise you wouldn't be calling me 'Naru-chan'…"

Sasuke _tried_ to glare again but burst into laughter as his face settled into what might be a half-glare. His torso lunged forward as he laughed and then he winced and calmed down again.

"Bet you won't try that one again will you?" Naruto asked chuckling at his boyfriend.

Naruto's light laughter subsided as he got up to check on Sasuke's stitched stomach. He reached out for the thin paper-y fabric of the hospital gown when his hand was grabbed away from its path. Soon Naruto's hand was nuzzled by Sasuke's cheek.

"Oh Naru-chan I don't think that we should do _it _here," Sasuke told him as he looked into Naruto's toilet-cleaner eyes. "I mean, what if some one walks in on us?" Naruto's face was the perfect depiction of 'what the hell?'. "The thought is sweet anyway baby."

"Okay, just how much valume did they give you?" Naruto asked as he watched Sasuke cuddle with his hand so affectionately. "I think that it's too much, even if your stomach was split open!" he exclaimed.

"Oh now that's just mean Naru-chan…" Sasuke scolded him. "You need a spanking…I won't hesitate to turn you over my knee young man!" It was more of an imitation of his mother when he was in trouble than a real threat. Then again given the current state of Sasuke, what could be taken as a genuine threat?

"Sure you will…" Naruto agreed rather sarcastically as he lifted up the light blue gown to see the stitches. The threads seemed to still be intact and no bleeding was present so Naruto left it at that. "You _really _need to go to sleep Sasuke."

Sasuke gave him that look again, but this time he didn't break his face with mindless laughter. He sat that way for nearly a minute before breaking into a wide smile.

"You blinked first! I win!" Sasuke threw his arms into the air in victory. "What's my prize?!"

"There is no prize…" Naruto said running a tired hand through his hair.

Sasuke's face darkened real quick when the news of no prizes was announced.

"I. Want. My. Prize." He told Naruto through his clenched teeth.

"There. Is. No. Prize." Naruto replied in a rather frustrated tone.

"There. Better. Be. A. Fucking. Prize." Sasuke persisted narrowing his eyes further.

"Fine!" Naruto gave in and scanned the room quickly to find a prize for the winner. He picked up a carton of apple juice and handed it to Sasuke, "Here's your fucking prize," he said to pacify the _almost _glaring boy.

Sasuke held the carton as if it were made of gold, then it appeared that he was…tearing up… "I'll cherish it forever…" he said wiping at the tears that followed such a statement.

All Naruto could do at this point was stare at who he thought was at least frigid enough to NEVER cry over a gift. No matter how moving it might have been. Or no matter how doped up on medication he was…

"That's lovely..." Naruto said to validate Sasuke's acceptance speech that was taking place right then in the hospital room.

There was something about how he wanted to thank God, his mom, Naruto and how he was the one to exact revenge on his evil older brother. Then he began to go into his and Naruto's relationship during his speech. From then on the speech was pretty much Sasuke talking about where him and Naruto had sex, where they ate at, and how they were meant for each other…How it was _fate._

_Great now he's taking lessons from Neji…_Naruto thought inwardly groaning for the millionth (give or take) time that day.

"Oh how Naruto takes such good care of me…" Sasuke started as he waved to a crowd that, apparently, loved him. "He makes such good soup for me when I'm sick. Oh and he also makes sure that I am warm! But he won't sleep with me when I'm sick…" after the last bit he decided to glare at Naruto for a second before continuing.

"He's so very sweet, and I don't mean the way he tastes," Sasuke winked…Naruto did not know that Uchihas were capable of such an expression. "Naruto acts just like a wife…How very romantic for me!" Sasuke clapped his hands together and rested his cheek against his folded hands.

"Naruto Uzumaki…" he trailed off. "U-zu-mak-i…You-zu-mak-i…

Youz-a-mak-i…" Sasuke's face lit up and then he grabbed at Naruto's hands.

"What is it now Sasuke? Don't you think you've had enough fun making fun of my name?" Naruto asked looking through tired eyes at Sasuke's childish expression.

"Youz-a-make-me-a-good-wife!" Sasuke exclaimed looking hopefully into Naruto's eyes.

A silent second ticked by on the clock… "What?" Naruto asked.

"Youz-a-make-me-a-good-wife!" Sasuke repeated bouncing slightly on his bed. "Oh please say yes!" he added whining a little.

Naruto closed his eyes and turned his head away, then he faced Sasuke again, "Did you just propose to me?"

Sasuke looked off into space for a second, "Yes…?"

"God you must be high on medication…" Naruto justified sighing.

"Awwww you're being so mean to me Naruto…" Sasuke puckered his bottom lip out. "Why don't you just say yes? I KNOW you love me!"

_This day just needs to be over…_Naruto thought as he continued to observe his lover's antics.

"If I say yes, will you go to sleep?" he asked hoping that would do the trick.

Sasuke nodded feverently, "Yes yes yes I will!"

The enthusiastic reply made Naruto want to burst with laughter, but he held it back. "Fine, I will marry you Sasuke."

Sasuke made a fist and pulled it to his side, "Yes," he said it as if he was trying to keep his victory on the down low.

"Now go to sleep…" Naruto told him as he eased Sasuke back into bed. "If you wake up before the sun comes up I won't marry you Sasuke," he warned before placing a quick kiss on the man's lips.

Needless to say Naruto now had ample amounts of blackmail material to use against his, now, fiancée. This thought made him smile very much indeed.

And that my friends, is how Sasuke Uchiha proposed to Naruto Uzumaki.

_3 years later_

"How do I always end up in situations like this?" Naruto muttered as Sasuke blew bubbles into his apple juice.

"Did you say something dearest?" Sasuke asked batting his eye lashes at his spouse.

"How do you manage to do this to yourself?" Naruto asked referring to the fact that he nearly shattered his spine on a mission this time.

"Whatever do you mean, _beautiful_?" Sasuke slurred the compliment so very badly.

"Now you're gonna say a bunch of idiotic things and you're gonna wear me down, just like last time," Naruto muttered half to himself and half to Sasuke, who was trying to make his blanket a super hero cape for himself.

"Oh don't be so bitter," Sasuke began as Naruto reached over to untangle the tricky cloth from Sasuke's fingers. "Come and sit with me my wife," he suggested using the same British accent he'd been using all day long.

"Sasuke, we're married because you were pumped full of drugs that should be illegal for you to take…" Naruto said shaking his head. "This time I'm probably gonna end up pregnant or something because of the bizarre things that happen when you're loopy."

"Oh but Naruto, Youz-a-make-me-a-good-wife!" Sasuke exclaimed putting his marriage hand up to show off his gold wedding band.

Naruto stared, dumbfounded, at his husband, "Idiot, that's not even my last name anymore. We took yours, remember?"

Sasuke looked perturbed by this turn of events, but his sour expression soon became happy as the wheels in his head spun out of wack.

"Fine," he said. "Come sit with me Naruto, You-cheap-hoe." Sasuke thought it was rather brilliant to make his family name sound like that.

Naruto wasn't as amused as British!Sasuke was. He simply stood up, turned on his heel and walked out into the hospital to get something else to drink. Apple juice wasn't what he wanted right now.

_End of Valium Queen_

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**A/N:** Okay I wanted to thank all of those who reviewed this oneshot the first time through but because of mine and my sister's combined ideas we decided to make a story that had all of our medicine themed lil stories. I hope that if you liked it enough to review it when it debuted that you will review it again. -bows- Thank you!!! 


	2. Chapter 2

A.N.: D It's Natsuo! I'm FINALLY posting something! I bring you a Death Note fic! --- Ok, in most of the MattxMello fics I've read, and the explosion was in it, Matt was the one to nurse the wounds. Now, I have nothing wrong with that, but I don't think that Matt is capable of doing such a thing! - So here we are...Matt and Mello snatching up a doctor to take care of Mello! D

Disclaimer: D; I don't own DN. If I did...Well...There would be more slashiness. 8D

Summary: Right after Mello blows up his hideout, Matt rushes him to a hospital. Only, he doesn't exactly check the blonde in. No, he kidnaps an innocent doctor and forces him to treat Mello. Things could get really odd . . .

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Why did I come in to work? It was my day off and I decided I should do something nice for the people I worked with. So I decided I would surprise them all and help them out with, what seemed like, their busiest day in months. Yes, it is common for hospitals to always be extremely busy, but today it just seemed like patient after patient was dying of a heart attack. Funny thing, most of them had never done a thing wrong in their life. I guess Kira just doesn't like people in general.

Either way, I was working my butt off to try and get each person in to a room and help them on their feet. It was the most exhausting day I had in the last decade. I was happy for the ten minute coffee break. I needed it like I never had. Usually, I didn't drink caffeine… but today was an exception. I needed anything to give me a burst of energy.

_Anything._

If I was a smoker, surely that's what I would need. A nice smoke…Wait- Did I _see_ smoke? I did! There was a red-head running to the front of the hospital…He seemed to be running right towards me! He couldn't be injured! Maybe he had to get an ambulance? That couldn't be it. Maybe he was checking on a friend? No. Visiting hours were over.

When he reached where I was, he had one hand on his thigh and was bent over, trying to catch his breath.

My job, as a doctor, was to get him to help as soon as I could. Something _must've_ been wrong with him!

I looked down at him with urgency. "Excuse me sir. Are you alright?" I asked. The worry in my voice was apparent. I took a closer look at him and saw blood and pus all over him.

"Sir! Are you alright?!" When he finished catching his breath, he looked up at me and said:

"I'm just fine…" He strayed off for a second. "You're a doctor right?"

I looked at him for a brief second and responded. "Yes. I am a doctor. I'll ask you again: Are you hurt?"

"Are you good with stitches and nursing burns?" He asked. _What a peculiar question_, was the only thing that came to my mind.

"Yes. Sir, do you have any burns? That would explain the blood and pus…" I asked, his sigh interrupting me.

"I. Am. Just. Fine." He responded. Why was he getting so irritable? If it was a friend of his with burns, surely he would bring the friend to the hospital himself.

"Then what's with all the ques-!" Just as I felt the end of his gun on my forehead, I suddenly realized why the man was wearing glasses. It was so the cameras couldn't identify him.

"P-Put the g-gun down and I'm s-sure we can f-figure something out." Fear ran through my words and I could see my life flashing in front of my eyes. Look! There's that time when I was five…I was mad at my sister for taking the last cotton candy lollipop…And oh! There's when I was-

"You aren't gonna fuckin' die. I need you to patch up my friend. He's got burns like something out of an anime," He told me. My life stopped flashing and I slowly became calmer.

"Or at least you won't die until my friend is stitched up." This got me scared again. "And you aren't the only doctor here ya know. I could easily snatch some one else up," He added. This made as scared as I had been from the beginning. I swear I could have pissed my pants if I wasn't a proud person.

"A-Alright, I'll help. Where is your friend and what is the condition he is in?"

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One blindfold and twenty minutes later, I was in a run-down basement with basically every medical machine and instrument known to man. Who would be this prepared for something…Yet not know how to use the machines? It seemed a bit off… 

"Oi! Stop gawping at the equipment and get to stitching!" The man from before ordered. But…How exactly was I supposed to stitch someone up if I didn't know where they were?

"He's over on the operating-bed-table-….Thing." It was obvious he had no idea what each of the "things" were called. "Such a noob…" I whispered so that only me and the other man- the man who _hadn't _kidnapped me could hear. Good thing he was knocked out. I walked over to him and took a deep breath.

Not the best choice. The man smelled (and looked) horrible. Burns engulfed basically all of the left side of his body! I had _never_ seen anything this bad! I hadn't even seen anything this bad when I was treating people who had been involved in **Mob** affairs! This was insane!

I felt the end of the gun at the back of my head and paused. "Stop staring at him and get. To. Work."

I was able to take my eyes off of the patient (If you could call him that) to look at the read-head. "Alright, do you have Morphine in this place?" At this I found a hand clutching my own.

I looked down and saw it was the patients. "No…Morphine…P-Please…" He said before falling into unconsciousness.

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"Hey, Mel. Why didn't you want any morphine," is what I woke up to. _Damn voices._ That makes me sound like a raving lunatic. 

"Pain-killers would catch the eye of Kira; Matt, He already has my picture. I don't need him to go and find out where the hell I am!" He sounded mad at what "Matt" said. Maybe "Mel" just thought it was obvious?

"Whatever. Just be happy you were unconscious for the little bit of it that you were." He retorted as he took a cigarette from god knows where and put it in his mouth.

"MATT!" The blonde seemed angry. "Didn't I tell you to stop smoking?!" He shouted as he grabbed the cigarette out of the others mouth and threw it to the floor. All I could do was watch.

"I'll quit smoking when you stop eating chocolate!" "Matt" retorted. _These two must have some kind of _odd_ relationship. Lovers maybe?_ With that thought I laughed, alerting the two that I was awake.

"Matt, what do you suggest we do with him?" The blonde asked. Now, I was scared. What I had experiences…How many nights _had_ it been since I was abducted?

"I suggest we erase his memory!" The red-head replied with a devilish grin.

"MATT! This isn't a video game! We can't simply erase his memory like he was a memory card!"

_Video games._ Now there was something I hadn't done in a good while. I hadn't lazed around and played video games since Monika had moved in!

"Not like you let me play my video games anyways! You crushed my DS last week! AND MY COFFEE POT!" He seemed _really_ mad about this. I probably would be too.

Suddenly, I felt myself speaking up. "What games do you play?" Where did that come from?

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One week later, there I was back in my busy hospital. Now the only difference was that every Thursday I had somewhere to escape to. "Matt" told me to come over on Thursdays to play video games and grouch about our blonde "mates" as he put it. 

Then I realized something! I didn't know where they lived!

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"Matt." Mello said looking over at me. "You didn't give that guy our address did you?" 

"Of course not. I'm not a noob."


End file.
